Genesis

It’s just you, and me, and this white page filled with black words. That’s all that is linking my mind with yours right now. So let these words act as a conduit between my world and yours and allow your mind to fill mine for a while. We are connected.

Timeline aged 0-5:

Zero input.

Timeline 5-7:

Flashes of images: E.T., a pool of tears in a step mother’s apron. Sexual abuse. Medical examinations, best friends and domesticity.

Timeline 7-10:

Systematic sexual abuse. Fuck, I am not really sure where to take this. I think this is where my life ended. This is the point at which I realised I was really, seriously unhappy. I felt something missing but didn’t know what that was. A void inside me that I couldn’t identify nor fill. It was also the time of my sexual awakening. Lines of boys chasing me to kiss me, boys fighting over me, kisses and first sexual feelings. I remember being chased down a back entry by a gang of young boys, being caught and thrust against a wall, and each boy took turns kissing me. My first feelings of, “holy shit that’s fucking good” emerged at that point. The last boy was a neighbour, he was a scruffy thing and strangely attractive. I loved the colour of his skin, his dark eyes and hair. Dark being the zeugma in that last sentence. Did you have to Google that? The way he kissed me. God. He slid his tongue inside me mouth and thrust his groin against mine. If this had happened five years forward in Timeline I’d have been fucked right there in that energy, I mean entry. That’s really rather delicious to remember.

As I write this I’m beginning to realise this is really a documentary on my sexual history. It’s winding, exciting, thrilling and at times utterly outrageous. Sweeping my preheperal memory databank I see lots of fun and yet always just one step away from yet another tragic end. I suppose I should change the name to protect the innocent, but fuck it, this is me and you and I should be as honest as I can. And that’s, what I’ve just heard, is the key to great writing. So forgive the bad grammar, or lack of any professional writing skills. After all, I have some crazy thing to say and the desire to say it, coupled with you still reading this, we have a perfect combination.